Why we are here (reviewed and reposted)
by Regan1993
Summary: Shannon, Lawson and Josh have known each other for years. What happened to make her leave. Will she tell them and why is she back. (Reviewed and reposted however would like a beta as I know I haven't got all of the mistakes.)
1. Chapter 1

Rush

I see him out of the corner of my eye. I know that he hasn't seen me, at that I smile. It's been a long time since I've seen him even though we talk on the phone it wasn't the same. I could see how close he was to his team, they were more like family. That is something I understand friends are more like family because they choose to be in your life where as family you have to be in theirs. I didn't really know about family until I met Lawson. It was a long time ago. The past isn't something any of us talk about apart from with each other mostly because we didn't want the pity that was shown on everybody's face when they found out, we didn't want people to like us just because they felt sorry about our past. After all we didn't feel sorry about it, though we didn't like it, hated it most of the time, it was the reason we found each other. The reason we had to live when no-one else cared.

I see that his team is wondering what im doing here, everyone apart from josh. He and Lawson have been mates for years we were all close when I left. He smiles at me and I shake my head and put my finger to my mouth telling him to be quiet and he did knowing that I must want to surprise Lawson. The rest were wondering who they pretty woman is, im not being vain at that it's just that its true, sometimes I hate it. Whereas most women think as beauty as a gift, with me it's more of a curse.

The briefing is nearly over so I ready myself as I don't know what's it going to come when he finds me standing here after all I did leave. I don't know if he is angry at me for that, he says that he isn't, that he understands but Lawson doesn't know how to express his feeling even to me who's known him for almost 20 years.

He turns round and stops dead when he sees me; I can feel my heart pounding against my chest as if it's going to burst any second. Then he smiles walks over to me and hugs me showing how much he missed me in the hug rather than with words. I smile and tuck myself in to his shoulder revelling in how safe I felt even though I always feel safe, something I can help when im trained to use all types of different weapons and hand to hand combat, with Lawson I feel that nothing can hurt me.

We pull away from the hug as he says "what are you doing here shan?"

"What" I reply "I can't come and see you now?"

He smiles at that and said "of course you can it's just that if I knew you were coming I would have got the day of and picked you and Katie up at the airport. Where is she by the way?"

Before I could answer josh walked over and said "do I not even get an hello anymore even thought I didn't tell Lawson that you were behind him I guess we know who you love more" with a grin on his face

"Come here" is say as I pull him into a hug " it's good to see you and I love you but of course I love Lawson more because I've known him a lot longer than I've known you"

"So that's how it is" he says pulling out of the hug but I know that he's not hurt as he was still smiling

"Yeah it is and to your question Lawson I didn't tell you I was coming because I wanted to surprise you and josh and Katie is at school it's her first day so you both will have to come over later because I know she wants to see you she's was going on and on about it yesterday almost went back to Canada and asked for my old job back at SRU"

Lawson smiles knowing that we wouldn't have gone back without seeing them and called me on that fact " we both know shan that you wouldn't have come all the way here and then gone without saying hi, you love us too much and I take it your back for good then if Katie's at school"

I try not to smile as I know he's right while I say " ok your right I wouldn't have left without saying hello first and yes we are back for good, we've missed home and of course you two" Lawson hugs me when I say that just as josh exclaims "we of course you missed us, how can you not we are awesome" I laugh at that. Just as im about to tell them something Kerry walks in and says

"Shannon here you are, I see you've met the rest of the team" while passing me a uniform "I hope your first day goes alright and im sure that Lawson will answer all the questions you might have, welcome to the team." as she finishes Kerry notices Lawson's and Josh's shocked faces and then say to the senior sergeant "Do you three know each other?"


	2. How we know each other

Chapter 2

A couple of seconds later and still neither of the boys had answered and the team were looking at josh and Lawson with amused looks which im guessing is because they both are very rarely gobsmacked. "Earth to Lawson, I asked you a question" Kerry said

"huh… oh right " Lawson replied snapping out of his thoughtful state "yeah I've known Shannon for nearly 20 year and josh has known her for about 7 isn't it josh?"

"Yeah it is. Why didn't you tell us that you were coming to work with us?" josh said his face more composed then it was a couple of seconds ago.

"Well it wouldn't really have been a surprise if I had told you would it" I replied "anyway I better go get changed or ill be late for my first day" I walked off a bit before I realised I didn't know where to go looking I saw Josh smirking "josh wiped that smirk off your face before I beat seven shades of shit out of you and one of you might have to show me where to go" I said glaring at josh. At that Lawson said "I'll get Stella to show you around and while you're here I might as well introduce you to everyone, everyone this is Shannon and Shannon this is Stella, Dom and Michael" pointing from left to right

"Hi well come on Stella we better get ready or Lawson will have to reprimand himself for making us late" at that all the team had burst out laughing including Kerry, at that I looked at Lawson who was glaring playfully at me, I gave him a smile while Stella pulled me to the changing rooms. I resisted the urge to shrug her grip of me, to tell her not to touch me but I knew that would bring questions, questions I didn't want to answer.

"So how do you know Lawson and Josh then" Stella asked I had the feeling that even though she was obviously the gossip girl of them team I still might like her

"I've know Lawson since I was six I live in England and them move here and who live next door Mr Lawson Blake" I replied "Josh I've only known for about 7 years we met when he first met Lawson when they joined the force and we were meeting up for lunch so he brought Josh, well Brendan as he was known by back then"

"So you know them both well then"

"I would say so, I know Lawson better than he knows himself or rather I used to as for Josh im still figuring him out he's more complicated than Lawson"

"No he's not Lawson is all mysterious he doesn't say anything about his past or family like the rest of us do and he's so stuck up" at that I laugh

"he's not as stuck up as he seems it's just that he finds it had to really connect with people he can think of them as family but it normally take about 3 or 4 years before he fully allows himself to connect to people just in case they leave. You might have noticed that he jokes around more with josh than the rest of you and that's because he knows that josh won't leave. He doesn't like talking about his past though well neither Lawson nor I like talking about it so there is no point in trying to get stories on Lawson or me as a child because neither of us is going to talk about it".

"Why don't you like talking about it?"

"Well let's just say we didn't have a very happy childhood and leave it at that"

At that I could see that she was trying to find a way of getting information out of us but I know that neither Lawson nor I would tell anyone about it because we didn't want pity and that would be what we got. We both feel like are past is the past, nothing is going to change it so why bother to talk about it.

Lawson chose this moment to walk in to the changing rooms knowing that we were done and at this is signed to him using sign language "can I ride with you and don't put Stella in the same car as us"

He signed back slowly, this is because I know that without me here there wouldn't really be much use of signing "yeah you can ride with me in TR1 and why don't you want to ride with Stella it seemed like you liked her"

"I do" I replied "But she's trying to get information out of me about the past and why you don't talk about your family and I don't want to try to avoid questions about us all day long" pulling a face

"Ok "he signed as the rest of the team entered the door. Noticing this Dom said "Lawson I didn't know you could sign"

Josh butted in by saying "yeah they do that at lot mostly about things they don't want people to know so if I was you I would expect it" smirking as he looked at me

"well I was talking to Shannon about maybe her telling us some stories about Lawson as a kid and she said no and that's when Lawson came in and she started signing" Stella put in

Josh replied "yeah big no-no they don't like talking about their past, they both go tight lipped as soon as anyone asked"

Whys that" Michael asked

I replied with a bit more anger than I should have done "well that's none of your business is it"

Everyone was looking at me after my outburst after a few seconds I said "look im sorry I didn't mean to bit your head off it's just that I don't like talking about my past"

"It's ok" he replied. After that Lawson looked around and said "right Shannon and Michael you are going to be with me in TR1 and Josh you have Stella and Dom"

As we all walked to the cars I mouthed to Lawson "Thank you" he smiled at me as he got into the car

AN – I know that in the show Lawson is about 36 but in my fan fic he's going to be 29 as he is 3 years older than Shannon. I hope you are enjoying the story so far!


	3. Josh's girl

Chapter 3

"Wow Shan not 10 minutes on the job and you already almost tore poor Michael's head of" Lawson said laughing as he looked at him through the rear view mirror

"Hey I said sorry didn't I and you know that is more than I normally do, normally I just walk out after" I huffed as I could she Lawson smirking at me " And if you know what's good for you, you will wipe that smirk off your face before I do it for you"

"Aww come on Shan we both know you wouldn't touch me, well unless I deserve it and teasing you doesn't mean I deserves it and anyway im your boss so I could fire you " at that I scoffed because I knew that he liked having me close so he could keep an eye on me "and Katie wouldn't like it if you hurt me"

"Yeah true she would kill me for hurting you after all it's not fair to pick on the weaker kid even if it is you Lawson" I said laughing. I noticed that Michael was watching the exchange like he had to notice every detail, almost like he had been ordered to and then I remembered that he got a text just after we got in the car, so I knew that he probably had been ordered by Stella so to keep them out of my business I turned the tables onto Michael and started firing questions at him about himself hoping that would take the focus off me.

"So do you and Stella have a thing going on then" I looked at him, knowing Lawson was looking at me because he recognised the tactic after all we used it all the time as kids.

"Yeah they do except it's on and off so from one day to the next you don't know what's happening between them and plus because it isn't official Kerry can't move them to another unit" Lawson butted in.

"I wasn't asking you Lawson so keep your mouth to yourself" I replied looking back to Michael "so what's happening"

"Nothing really it's just like Lawson said it's on and off again a lot because Stella doesn't know what she wants some days it's me and other days it's a random girl that she met in a bar" he said looking down trodden

"Yeah that sucks but look at it this way the might be other people in her life but its you that she keeps on coming back to so she must love you even if she doesn't want to admit it" at that Michael's face lit up

"You think" he said

"Yeah" with this I noticed Lawson looked shocked so I turned to him

"What are you looking at me weird for?"

"Because Shannon Henry is giving relationship advice and is actually being sweet"

"Hey I can be sweet because if I was a total bitch then you wouldn't be friends with me" I huffed and said "anyway enough about that I want to talk to Josh"

Going on comms I said "Josh you there?"

"Yeah Shan im hear what do you want" I heard through the ear piece

"I want to know the girls name that has you so happy" I replied and I saw Lawson smile

"What makes you think I've got a girl?"

"Well you looked happy before you even saw me so had to of got laid last night and let's face it Lawson's briefings are not that interesting so it couldn't have been that"

"Hey" Lawson said while I heard everybody else laugh through the comms unit

"Ok ok I'll tell you her name is Grace"

"Well when do I get to meet Grace then?"

"You want to meet her Shan since when do you want to meet my girlfriends"

"Hey I want to meet this one because your family and plus let's face it it's obvious that she's stole you heart and the reason I never wanted to meet your girlfriends before is because they were normally skanks"

"That's true" Lawson said

"Will you both shut up" Josh said though I know it was in fun because I know that he knows that we are right "and Shan ill bring her to dinner tonight with you and Katie"

"Ok I'll make sure I have enough food…"

"What YOU are going to cook" both Lawson and Josh said simultaneously

"If you would have let me finish I would have said I would make sure I got enough food ordered because even im not that mean to inflict my cooking on you when you've not annoyed me, well yet anyway"

"Oh ok" I heard Josh say through the comms, not even trying to hid the relief in his voice "and what do you mean I've not annoyed you yet, im never annoying" with this my scoff could be heard clearly by everyone

"Well Brendan you are very annoying so your luck your family or I would have hit you before now"

"Hey don't start with the Brendan thing alright and plus you have hit me" his voice booming down the ear piece

"Yeah but I've never hit you properly so be grateful for that and what do you mean what's with the Brendan thing that's your name isn't it or that's what you went by when we met"

"Yeah well I don't now and I should warn you…"

"Oh god im going to want to hit you aren't I" I said listening in with dread

"Yeah probably Grace was still married when we got together " he finished very quickly

"WHAT" my voice boomed down the ear piece and no body replied, im guessing in fear.

AN - I know that Grace is dead in the show but I prefer Grace rather than Tash so in this she didn't die she survived and Grace got moved to another unit.


	4. Forgiving

Chapter 4

Silence took over the cars and the comms. Lawson was looking at me warily as he knows I have a thing about people cheating

"Josh you better be kidding because if you not you better stay out of my way today because I will kill you" I said angrily

"Come on Shan you know me it wasn't like what you're thinking" josh replied pleading with me

"Oh so you just thought oh what I'm bored so you know what I'll do, I'll go after a married woman and fuck her"

"Shan please…"

"No Josh I don't want to talk about this now" taking my ear piece out so I couldn't hear what he was saying

"Josh there's no point mate she can't hear you, she took her ear piece out" he said sadly "give her time she'll calm down" I put my ear piece back in so I could hear what he was saying but I told the others not to say anything about it

"I doubt that one Lawson you and I both know what affairs mean to her, she hates them after what he dad did who can blame her, I don't think she'll forgive me for it" he said with remorse easily picked up in his voice

A tear run down my face and I bat it away quickly but Lawson sees it and says "she will josh; we are the only people she trusts completely…"

"Lawson come on no she doesn't, if she did she would have told us why she left not just that she moving countries and shell come back when she's ready " tears now steaming down my face

"Josh you know Shan she has to process it herself before she will even think about telling anyone else you know how long it took her to tell us she was pregnant and that was nothing bad"

"How do you know it was something bad that made her leave?..."

"Really josh you think so little of me that I would leave just because I felt like it, that I could leave you, never mind Lawson who I've known my whole life, without reason"

"Katie you know I didn't mean it like that im just angry that I know that you won't forgive me"

"Do you know what is making me angry Josh, not only that you had an affair with a married woman but that I find myself making excuses for you" I said

"What do you mean shan" josh's voice coming over the comms

"You know that I've always thought that there is no reason for cheating and there is no way I could forgive anyone for it but with you im making excuses im thinking well I no josh, he must of loved her if he going after her because if he didn't he wouldn't ever do something like that, I hate that you have made me question something that I've believed my whole life"

"Shan you know I didn't mean to do that"

"I know that josh because I know you and I've already forgiven you for it but don't bring grace around tonight because I can't forgive her yet"

"Why is it so different for josh that it is for grace I mean you forgave him why not grace" Stella input into the conversation curiosity clouding her voice

"Because grace had a husband and if you think you are going to cheat you get out of the marriage before you do because let's face it you don't love them enough if you are going to cheat, if you love someone else you don't stay in the marriage"

"Yeah I see what you mean and I know grace she's soft as shit" she said laughing "she's one of them that if someone else cries that she knows, she will cry even harder because she hates seeing people upset, it's part of her charm"

"God I know im going to regret this but josh bring her tonight because she sounds nice and the quicker I'll probably forgive her quicker if I met her, if was anyone apart from you josh I wouldn't even try to forgive her" I said, out of the corner of my eye I saw Lawson smile slightly so I turned and said "what are you smiling at"

"it's just your trusting more than you used to because normally even if Stella did like her and tell you that she's nice you wouldn't have believed her and you would have carried on hating grace so I feel a bit proud" Lawson replied laughing

I looked and smiled and just said "Come on Lawson the team is your family, you trust them and I trust you so I have to trust them too"

"Are you sure about tonight Shan" josh said

"Josh when you have ever known me to do something I don't want to do. It will be find after all I will have to meet her sometime"

"Yeah you will because I really want you to be godmother to our daughter when she's born

"What did you say I think I heard that wrong?"

"Grace is five month pregnant and I want you to be godmother"

"Oh….."

AN thanks everybody for the reviews they mean a lot and Shannon's secret of why she left will be revelled soon so I hope you are looking forward to the next chapter which I hope will done in the next few days


	5. Daddy?

Chapter 5

"Wow I made Shannon Henry gobsmacked" josh said laughing

"Well do you blame me really I mean come on, out of all the things you could have said you say that she's pregnant im just surprised "I replied thinking that josh would be a great father, he might get in to trouble a lot but I know that he would love the little girl so much "have you thought of a name for her yet"

"No we can't agree, how did you get Katie's name" he asked not sure if he should bring it up

I smile remembering the hell I had trying to pick out a name "It was my sister's middle name, I couldn't name her Isabel because it felt like I was trying to replace her, I know that it's stupid but it felt like that but I wanted to honour my sister, after she died it was hell Lawson managed to save me from myself once again" I said looking at Lawson "so I gave her the name Kaitlin but Katie for short"

"It's a nice name Shan but you haven't answered me about being godmother"

"I love to Bren after all you are one of Katie's godfathers"

"You know because that was a heartfelt moment I will let the name thing go"

"We both know that you would let anything go for me" with that I heard josh snort down the comms unit.

Dom not sure if he should interrupt asked "Can I ask why did you say one of Katie's godfathers I thought girls where only supposed to have one"

"I don't mind you asking, you have probably noticed I've got trust issues, I've always had them I find it very hard to trust anyone and at the time when Katie was born there were only two people I trusted and as you probably guessed that was Lawson and josh so I made them both her godfathers" I replied

That sounds nice" I heard Dom say through the comms

"Shan" Lawson said next to me so I turned "what time do you want us tonight"

"Anytime you want, im picking Katie up at school at 4 so come over early because she's missed you and I know that unless she has a few hours with you both she will go mental, it doesn't matter that she's only 4 I think her temper is worse than mine when she has to say bye to you two and she doesn't think she's had enough time with you"

"Yeah well she loves us and Shan?" Lawson asked

"What"

"You do realise that its 3.45" quickly turning my head to look at the clock not believing it I said

"What so I've got 15 minutes to get back to base and go and pick my daughter up…. Yeah that isn't going to happen" I said hanging my head into my hands

"How bout we pick Katie up then go take you back to the base"

"Are you sure Lawson? "

"Yeah we can't have you being late picking her up because she's like you she will panic"

"Yeah ok thank you and plus the whole team can meet her now"

Lawson smiled as one of my favourite songs came on the radio in the car. I looked at him and started singing to the song

**Well there's a little boy waiting at the counter of the corner shop**

**He's been waiting down there, waiting half the day,**

**They never ever see him from the top**

**He gets pushed around, knocked to the ground,**

**He gets to his feet and he says**

**[Chorus]**

**What about me? It isn't fair**

**I've had enough, now I want my share**

**Can't you see, I want to live**

**But you just take more than you give**

**Well, there's a pretty girl serving at the counter of the corner shop**

**She's been waiting back there, waiting for a dream,**

**Her dreams walk in and out, they never stop**

**Well, she's not too proud, to cry out loud**

**She runs to the street and she screams**

**[Chorus]**

**More than you give**

**Take a step back and see the little people**

**They might be young, but they're the ones that make the big people big**

**So listen as they whisper:**

**"What about me?"**

**And now I'm standing on the corner, all the world's gone home**

**Nobody's changed, nobody's been saved**

**And I'm feeling cold and alone**

**I guess I'm lucky, I smile a lot**

**But sometimes I wish for more than I've got**

**[Chorus]**

**What about me?**

**What about me?**

**What about...me?**

"Wow shan didn't know you could sing" Michael said

"Well Michael you've known me for about eight hours if you did know then it would be weird and I would be calling you a stalker" I replied laughing and Michael joined in

As we pulled up at the school gate I saw Katie waiting near the teacher for me I jumped out of the car wanting to be with my daughter after her first day at school. As she saw me she screamed "Mummy"

"Hey baby girl I've missed you. Did you have a good day?" taking her into my arms

"Yeah mummy it was great I've made a new friend but she's not a good as you though"

"Aww thanks hun but if you look near the car you will see a surprise and it's someone you've missed and love"

"Who" she said looking at the car quickly

"Uncle Lawson" she shouted. Nearly damaging my ear drum a she noticed him running up to him; he picked her up in a big hug and said

"Hey sweetie have you missed me

"Yeah mummy said you were going to come round tonight with uncle josh, are you still coming

"Of course Katie and uncle josh is bringing someone special with him"

"Who"

"It's his girlfriend she's called grace I think you would like her"

"But me and mummy are the only special girls in his life he's told me" she told Lawson seriously

"I know hun but now he's got another special person and soon you're going to have a new person to play with because grace is having a baby"

"He's going to be a daddy"

"Yeah he his"

"So me and mummy won't be special anymore" she asked sadly looking to the ground

Bringing her chin up so he could look at her "you and mummy will still be special very special just because he love someone else doesn't mean he will love you any less. Do you believe me? "

"Yeah I know you wouldn't lie to me Uncle Lawson. Have you got a girlfriend?"

"Yeah her name Jac "shortening her name to something the little girl could pronounce

"Why you're not supposed to have a girlfriend"

"Why not hun"

"Because I want you to marry mummy because everyone says that mummy's marry daddy's and I want you to be my daddy" Katie said nearly crying

"Sweetie …"

"No mummy I want him to be my daddy"

"Katie look at me just because im not married to your mum it doesn't mean I don't love you like a daughter because to me you are and mummy's don't always marry daddy's"

"Really you promise" holding his little finger in the air to do a pinkie promise with her

"Yeah I do"

"Can you be my daddy then?"

"Lawson you don't have to do this I'll talk to her" he looked at me, smiled and said

"Shan its ok" looking back at Katie he continued "I would love to be your daddy" sincerity clear in his voice

"Really" happiness shining though in her voice

"Yeah sweetie"

"I love you daddy" as she said that tears formed in both my eyes and Lawson's

"Hey" I said taking her off Lawson "why don't you go met the rest of the team, they are very nice"

"Ok mummy bye daddy"

Watching her as she got in the car

"Lawson you didn't have to do that I would have talked to her" I told him looking him straight in the eye

"Shan I meant it its ok, you and I both know that I treat her and love her as my daughter so why not have her call me that"

"I know that I just didn't want you to think you had to do that so it could make her happy"

"I didn't Shan I did it because I love her okay"

"Yeah I just wish she would have given me a warning of what she was thinking because I think I almost died of shock when she said you weren't allowed a girlfriend because she wanted you to marry me"

"I know me to it was sweet though, Shan can I ask why did you leave because you know I would have helped you with Katie"

"I know you would have Lawson and it wasn't because I was pregnant okay, I'll admit it took a lot of getting used to but it wasn't because of that and before you say anything it wasn't because of you either"

"So what was it about Shannon?"

Seeing tearing in my eyes he ran his hand up my arm to comfort me

"Please Shan just tell me"

"I was raped okay" I told him as the tear fell down my face"

**Wow cliff hanger wonder what they will do. I did this because Shannon is strong so it had to be something major to make her leave. I wonder what Lawson will say when he finds out and what josh will do. Sorry if you didn't like this chapter I couldn't seem to get it right. The song as most Aussie's would probably know is - Shannon Noll what about me **


	6. The reason

Chapter 6

"What" is all I heard in front of me and down the com line from Josh

Looking to the floor because I didn't want to look Lawson in the eyes I said

"Shit I didn't switch the comms off"

Josh came bounding from the car leaving Katie laughing with Stella

"Why didn't you say anything Shan we would of helped you know that" josh said with Lawson nodding showing how he agreed with Josh's statement

"Guys" I said looking at them for the first time since I told them "how long have you known me. You both know when anything big happens in my life whether it happy or sad I have to process it first I don't tell anybody. I know you're a bit mad at me right" with both Lawson and Josh shaking their heads at that "no guys you are I know you both so well so I know you are angry with me because I didn't tell you and you think I didn't trust you with it but I did but it broke me ok and you two know it takes a lot for me to say that but finding out im pregnant two weeks after being raped I needed time alone I just didn't expect that when I could face coming back it would be almost 5 years later"

"If you need to get away shan we would have come with you, you know that"

"Yeah josh I know but I couldn't do that to you, either of you. You both had lives how could I take you away "

"We wouldn't have minded Shannon"

"Lawson I know that ok but I would have minded ok knowing what I took you away from and plus josh" I said turning my head to look at him properly "if you would have come you wouldn't have Grace and your unborn daughter can you honestly say that im more important than all of them" I saw him struggling with himself I know how much he loved and wanted to protect me but he had his own family now "and Lawson you wouldn't have Jac can you say im more important than her?

Lawson just looks at me and says "yeah I can im not going to lie I love Jac but I love you more. Me and Jac isn't the same as it is with josh and Grace, they love each other completely and know that they are long term im not like that at the minute it's just some fun with Jac and neither of us are thinking about getting serious so yeah to me you are more important"

"Yeah ok but if you would have come with me you wouldn't have TR and I know you love that job it was always your dream job so I couldn't take you away from that Lawson I wanted to but I couldn't and you would have done the same for me if something happened to you and I had just got my dream job and I was happy you know that you couldn't have took me away from that so how could I do it with you" I replied with a tear sliding down my cheek

I look at the car and see that everybody is pretending not to listen and look at us so I say while wiping the tear from my cheek "right well we can discuss this later ok because the team already know more then I wanted them to know about my past and they don't need to listen to us argue ok. We are going to go back to base, get changed and you are coming to mine and we are going to have a nice dinner ok"

Both Lawson and Josh just looked at me and nodded their heads as we headed back to the car as I got in Katie jumped on my knee and said "are you ok mummy you look sad"

"Yeah baby im fine" I said looking at her with a fake smile on my face but thankfully she didn't notice the difference

"You promise" she relied

"I promise"

Im sorry it took me so long to upload this but I just couldn't seem to get it right and im sorry if its crap lol but ive been working on it for a week and a half and it just didn't seem good enough. Please review even if you don't like it.


	7. Guilt

Chapter 7

The ride back to base was awkward knowing what they wanted to ask about and how I could keep it from them considering just twenty minutes ago I told the whole team that I trust Lawson and josh completely. I tried to focus on Katie as she was talking to me but I wasn't really listening as I was trying to smother my guilt at not telling them because I know it was wrong not to, they are family and we have always told each other everything no matter how bad. Yeah it took me a long time to tell josh but I told him and when he found out why I like keeping people I didn't know that well at a distance we began getting closer but I didn't want them pitying me and walking on eggshells around me, asking me constantly if I was ok. I was pulled out of my thoughts but Katie tapping my arm

"Mummy you're not listening" she said looking sad

"Im sorry baby what were you saying" I replied trying to keep a smile on my face

"I was asking what we are having for tea and I don't get how uncle Josh is pregnant he's a boy and where do babies come from anyway?" looking at me innocently

Not sure what to say I tried ignoring he last question by answering her first two " well we can have anything you want for tea how bout pizza and uncle josh isn't pregnant grace is but people say that they are both pregnant because he's the babies daddy"

"Oh right and me want Dominos pizza for tea"

Thinking I got away with not answering he last question I started to really smile but her voice interrupted by her saying

"But mummy you didn't say where babies come from?"

Looking round the car I saw that both Lawson and Josh were amused at how hesitant I were to tell her so to avoid it myself I looked to Katie and said "Well why don't you ask uncle josh he knows where babies come from"

Katie whipped her head round and said "Yeah uncle josh tell me"

Josh's face was full of shock it was pretty comical all that would come out of his mouth was "Erm ….. Well you see erm …"

Katie got fed up at this so turned back to me and asked "Mummy can you tell me uncle josh is being weird"

As she said that we pulled into the base so I jumped out and said "hey baby look Stella is there "

A smile lit up her face and shouted "Stella" as she ran towards the woman

I looked back to josh and Lawson, smiled "well I think I got out of that one"

They smiled back at first but the smile dropped as the reason I left came to the forefront of their minds "shan we have to talk about this, you know that right" josh said looking me in the eyes

"I know ok but I won't do it when Katie is around we'll talk later ok"

"ok later" Lawson said making it clear in his voice that after Katie was in bed there is no way I was getting out of the discussion.

**Im sorry for this chapter for taking so long to write but I couldn't think of how the story should go after the last chapter and I got writers block. Im going to try to make the next chapter longer and better as I don't think this chapter met the standard of my previous chapters and im sorry for the confusion on the last chapter it was supposed to be grace not Tasha but I was watch rush before I wrote the last chapter lol and got confused myself. If you have any ideas of how the story should go please review **


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